Turns out covid in my case was more like a week of good rest that I haven’t had in over 3 years :)))

My recovery was quite fast; I was officially covid negative 10 days after the first positive PCR. By then I was already able to smell a tiiiiny little bit. I got to spend Christmas eve with my family :’)

Thankfully the symtpoms weren’t so bad. The worst part was the sore throat (apparently there’s an ulcer on half of my uvula. Yes, that big.) And anosmia was kind of annoying. Also, I had to take so much meds and vitamins that I need to set a bunch of recurring reminders to make sure I remember to take it all. But other than those.. it was a peaceful period of self healing, mentally and physically.

I am truly grateful for my health. I know this virus can do so so so much worse. A friend lost her husband, another lost her father, a colleague passed away. It has been hard for a lot of people. I did not, I do not and I will not take this pandemic lightly.. and I hope you do too.

I’ll sing to you, Lord, a hymn of love for your faithfulness to me.

And I’m carried in everlasting arms.. You’ll never let it go throught it all.

Haven’t been praying a lot, if any, or at all. But these songs still kept me going.. I couldn’t say anything, but it’s like He’s softly patting my head, “There.. there..”

It doesn’t make things okay. Things don’t get any easier. But I know somehow I’ll make it. Beaten, broken, maybe.. but not defeated.

I killed myself in my dream.

There, it feels like the logical thing to do.

My soul floats above my lifeless body, with no regret.

“Could’ve been done sooner.” — it shrugged and left.

Then I woke up with my usual alarm: my kids.

Honestly it is. Mentally, physically, emotionally okay. I’m smiling as I write this. I’m at peace.

Well of course there are things that I stress about on a daily basis.. future preps n all. It’s 1:20am and i’m still up.. there are projects and plans to think about, for a better life.. But i’m happy.. i’m quite content with what I have on hand.

I am so loved and so in love.

Thank You, God, for this beautiful family.. they’re precious to me. Please take good care of them.

Both kids are taking a long nap. I am so grateful.

I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Everything felt awful from the time I opened my eyes in the morning although nothing was wrong.

Oh, well, my baby peed the bed and I had to get up at 3am to change everything. But other than that things are okay.

Yet still I dreaded everything..

But now my babies are napping. And I am so thankful for this chance to rest.

There were days when even carrying out a normal routine was so hard. It’s like a lonely battle, with no one else to help, so you had to drag yourself around and get stuff done.

Sometimes it’s so bad you thought you could breakdown any moment, and you actually look forward to that. Just let me lay down and die, or something. At least that’s a break. That would be great. You need that pause. Or stop. Whichever is available.

You know what, you think too highly of yourself! Everything will be okay. The world will not come tumbling down when you rest. They will manage.

It’s not that you’re not necessary. It would be better if you’re around. And that’s the point. You’re needed for a loooong time. Not just today. At your prime. So survive.. Live long and prosper. Take care of yourself better.

It’s okay to stay still for a bit. That pause you needed, that little rest you long for, it is just a sentence away. You just need to say it. They got your back.

For me, today everything falls into place just right. Everything seems managable. Everything is okay. It’s not perfect, so far from perfect, but it’s okay. It’s lovely this way. God, I’m so grateful. Let it stay this way.

So let me remind myself while I’m here, on a regular so so day, that things will be okay..

I am immensely loved. I am so blessed.

Stressed out, exhausted, frustrated and sometimes depressed for no apparent reason. No. apparent. reason.

Something reminds me of you..

Somewhere along my thoughts, I just can’t help feeling very grateful that our paths crossed. We didn’t even talk or hang out that much outside the organisational activities, but I’m glad I got to know you and your beautiful souls.

We barely kept in touch since then, but I hope someday somewhere we’ll meet again. I’d love to hear your story.