I am so sad.

Back when we were still dating, there were a couple of times where we had arguments and he ended up walking away and leaving me behind. Back then I was so mad at him for doing that. I thought to myself: you can walk away, I can do the same. He returned, usually. He didn’t mean to really leave me there and then. Just taking a distance so he didn’t blow off.

Tonight this happened to my kids, and it broke my heart. Seeing how she tried to talk to him to apologize and hold his hand yet he pulled his hand, turned his back and walk away. They wailed. As I was soothing them, I felt like crying too. I felt like walking away too. I wanted to bring them home myself and tell them we’re gonna be okay. We’re okay.

Bur we’re not. I am so sad. I don’t think they deserve to be treated that way by their own father. They’re scared. They’re walking on eggshells around him. But they love him. They refuse to go home with just me.

I don’t understand why he did this. I don’t understand what kind of message he is trying to convey. What kind of lesson is he giving the kids. That he’s going to leave them if they act out? That they’re not gonna be loved if they act out?

In the heat of the moment I really wanted to take the kids on my own. But i ask myself the same question. What message am I giving them?

I’m not even mad. I’m heartbroken and confused.

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