Decisions, decisions

Two weeks ago I had officially resigned from my job. I made the decision to spend more time with the kids and focus mainly on parenting them. There were a lot of questions.. some direct, some through the walls and the winds. Understandably, after my second time there some thought I would stay until retirement.

But the truth is.. it’s something I have procrastinated for over 2 years (somewhat thanks to the pandemic). It’s a tough call. So yea, not so sudden, and yea due to the WFO come back 🙈.

Here, let me try to put my thoughts into words..

Firstly: I am replaceable at work, and irreplaceable at home ( far. HAHA)

My kids are both under 5. They need me. Some asked, why not hire nannies or consider daycare? my ultimate answer: I am the one who should be there guiding them if I want them to grow (well, at least heading) towards the direction I want them to, with the values I want them to have. More than just surviving, I want them to thrive. You see, a lot of this has to do with my wants. It’s not a sacrifice, it’s a conscious choice from the very beginning.

I wanted to have kids, I gave birth to them, they are MY responsibility.

Besides, omg you guys.. nannies are costly! And finding the good, drama-free ones are like finding needle in a haystack. For me, the calculation just doesn’t add up. I’m spending half the day away from my kids to pay someone else to take care of them and have fun with them for a portion of my salary. And still i have to worry throughout the day if they’re well taken care of, if they miss me, if they’re happy. And those mornings when they just want mama to stay at home. O lord.

I mean, I love my job, I do. But between the job and the kids.. If anyone needs micromanaging and better bonding, it’s these two under 5s, not this 33 years old.

But, I realize that this decision is a privileged one; not everyone can afford to do this. Every household is different. In my case.. it’s a well calculated step. We may not be rich, but we can cover the risks that entail, along with the mitigation plans. And that is also why, knowing this well, I have no excuse for not staying home and be a present parent. Working away from them feels like a very selfish decision.

So.. will I be a full-time stay at home mom? Maybe not. Husband and kids aside, I love analysing data, creating stuff, having meaningful discussions, exploring new things.. and doing these while getting paid is hella nice. Lol. Let’s face it y’all, more money = better opportunities for the kids. So I’m leaning towards WFA jobs; something goal oriented but with more flexibility in terms of space and/or time.. or maybe starting up a business, we’ll see.

But before I do this, I need to create a sustainable working system at home. Hence I’m taking a break from the career world in the next 1-3 months. Hopefully by then I can leave them for work (in another room or in the office sometimes) with a more peaceful mind.

Exciting time ahead! Wish me luck!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s