It’s Friday night and my brain decided that it’s time to break down and cry. Lucky I have my own little room to hide in. Can’t really write an essay, so why not just blog as I sob, right?
Well, at first I was thinking that it was just the sorta regular mood swings that hit me, but after a long, tissue-wasting, tummy-crunching weeping, I knew it’s not one of those days. But then why?
Maybe it’s that guilty or anxious feeling after spending a week off doing literally nothing — turning reading week to no-reading week — I shall name this as the “post-reading-week” syndrome. :p
*FYI, on a regular week, I would have to do some readings in order to be able to complete the seminar tasks and get a deeper understanding of the lecture. For reading week, we’re expected to catch up on the readings that we didn’t manage to digest, tidy up our notes, and work on our 4 essays of 2500-3000 words each, which are due in 2-3 weeks. None of those happened, in my case.*
But aside from that, this week is kinda different too.. For instance, I have officially started doing things for my roles as course rep and student association committee.
On Monday I attended a lecture from 10am to 12am. From 12.30 to about 2.30pm we had SBM course reps welcome lunch; meeting other course reps, the dean and the programme manager. It was absolutely delightful.. but daaaamn socializing is tiring. phew. Oh.. also did my weekly grocery shopping later that day, super duper heavy bags of meats, fruits, etc.. quite some sport there! :p At night I read some moooreee, did the assignments and also contacted my course mates to have their feedback.
On Tuesday I started drinking coffee.. had seminar from 11am to 12pm, another class 12pm-2pm, and another one 2pm-4pm — yes, 3 in a row. Afterwards I went to the library until 6pm, reached home at 7, tidied up, had my dinner, and had a committee meeting via Skype from 8.30pm to about 11pm. I think I stayed up til 2-3am to prepare for the next day’s meeting and read another lecture material.
On Wednesday, I again started the day with a cup of coffee. Left the house at 9am, had a photo session from 10.30-11.30, student staff liaison meeting from 1pm to almost 4.30pm, got home at about 5.30pm and took a nap til 8pm. Uh.. I can barely remember what happened that day.. I think I reported the meeting results to my coursemate, read 3 articles, took some notes on my coursework.. and didn’t get any proper sleep. Mini deep sleep only from 7.30am-8.30am.
On Thursday, on coffee again, left the house at 9am, class at 10am-1pm, coursework discussion during the break, another class at 4pm-5.30pm. Got home half awake. Didn’t bother reading anything serious.. (and seriously regretted this the next morning)
On Friday.. oh what do I do without coffee.. this morning I just dunk the coffee in a little hot water just to dissolve it, pour cold water and then gulp the whole thing religiously. I woke up early and speed read the articles necessary for seminars. Class at 10am-12pm, another speed reading and speed noting (in panic mode) during break, seminar at 1pm-2pm, another seminar at 2-3pm..
Now as I trace it back as I write, by the time I got out of the last seminar of the day, all I can think of is going back home. But when I got home, I felt.. lost. The feeling I was looking forward to, it wasn’t there.
I miss my real home. I miss having my mama welcoming me (she’s usually gaming in her room, though.. haha), I miss her cooking, I miss her hugs and kisses, how they magically alleviates all my anxiety and fill me up with peace. I miss my papa.. I miss his warm smile, his random jokes (which i don’t really get sometimes), his wise advice.. and his cooking too.
My parents’ room is always the first place I go to when I got home. Not just because their TV, AC and PC are always on.. but I don’t know.. it’s just so comfortable. Chilling, watching TV as my mom’s gaming seriously at her favourite spot. If my dad’s home, he’d be watching TV and falling asleep at the same time.. randomly changing the channel in between. They would always, always, ask me how my day’s been, and I’d reply with my random stories or the generic so-so when I’m not in the mood.. but it never stops there. They would know that something is wrong and try to dig in.. and then I would voluntarily continue with my long rant. hahahahaha..
Oh and my brothers! My two guardian angels!! I looooove sharing stories and ideas with both of my brothers. They have different personalities and preferences, but both are such good listeners.. so smart and engaging. They shower me with love and care, really. Lots of critics too, but that’s just how attentive they are.. they keep me on track. I miss them so much. so much.
Back when I was in Sydney, at least I have my dear Joanne to talk to when I got home.. *yes, I miss you Jo*
Time difference also wasn’t as awkward as this.. I have really underestimated the power of 7-hour difference. *Aaaaa~~~ mamaaaa let’s skyyypeeee~~~*
This is arguably the worst homesickness case to hit me so far. Ugh.. *weeping continues*